Reflections on Living Away From My Home Country for 10 Months
This is What I’m Listening to
10 Months, that’s how long i’ve been living in Thailand now. Away from the USA. Do I have any plan to go back?
I still stand by my original decision and reasons for leaving the western world. I don’t like living there and I don’t want to be there. I don’t like the western way of life.
For the first 6 or 7 months in Thailand I was kind of in a honeymoon period with it. You know that first 6 months with your ex girlfriend how awesome they were? maybe you just smoked weed, ate delicious food, and had sex all day together. That’s sort of how the first 6 months in Thailand were for me. I was awestruck being in a world so much different from what I had seen before. At the same time I was ecstatic to be away from the land I had called my home.
I speak Thai decently now. Thanks to Ex-Thai Girlfriends. I’ve been single for about 2 months now. That gets a bit lonely. Living in a foreign country it really helps make things more comfortable to have a girlfriend stay at your house with you every night and be your partner to go and have dinner with.
You usually learn a lot about yourself and the world around you when you alternate between periods of companionship and isolation.
Negativity towards some aspects of life in thailand have inevitably creeped into my awareness. I’m bothered by how crowded it is, insane traffic, and people have no sense of personal space. It’s not uncommon for people to be walking towards me on the sidewalk as I walk towards them they will have their heads up but it’s as if I don’t exist in their field of vision and we will literally have a head on collision. I used to be careful and move out of the way as I did in the western world. If you run into someone on the street in the USA you’d better be prepared to defend yourself and fight, because that is not kosher. After getting used to the fact that personal space and avoiding running into people is not a part of culture in Thailand i decided “fuck it i’m going to just keep walking and run straight into them like they do to me” resulting in some absolutely ballistic collisions where I could feel the mass of my larger than everyone else body trampoline the other person off of me. It’s awkward as fuck, I don’t know why people in asia are this way but they dont move out of the way at all. They just right straight into you. I feel a bit bad about it though because since i’m more massive than them it’s sort of like they run into a brick wall. I used to wonder what the hell they were thinking but then I realized that they Are Not thinking.
I’m still deciding how i’m going to handle this.
I speak thai well enough to get whatever I need, I have like a 5 year old child’s vocabulary level. Thai is a pretty easy language, I dont know how to read it but just listening and asking questions to thais and my ex girlfriends goes a long way if you really try. I usually would ask my girlfriend questions about new words and phrases and then go and practice during the day with taxi drivers, food people, and gym staff.
“FARANG” is a word you hear thais say alot. It means “White Man Foreigner”. A lot of times i’ll walk by a group and then hear them say farang like 50 million times and utter some other stuff, sometimes i’ll look over and say “farang pasaa thai” which means “White Man Foreigner Understands Thai” lol.
Something I’ve become more and more aware of as I have just grown more mature from being isolated from my own culture and watching the mad poverty here is that pain is good.
I’m learning that what arnold said in pumping iron “Those who can go through the pain barrier, this divides 2nd place and the champion, this is what divides the winners from the losers.” is fucking true. In all worthwhile aspects of life.
Anything worthwhile is going to cause mad pain. And you have to decide to enjoy voluntary pain or else you’re going to be a fucking loser. a failure. I Have to learn to enjoy and voluntarily pursue this pain or else I am going to be a failure and a loser. Not a champion.
It’s the cold hard truth.
Everyone wants to feel safe and comfortable and avoid pain as much as possible. It’s biology. It’s survival.
But Voluntary Pain. That’s what creates the men who dominate. I’m sure you’ve heard me say it before but my worst fear is being average. I cannot accept that. It’s a recurring nightmare I have. Not getting ahead in life, not having the fortitude to make my dreams come true. IT haunts me continually. It scares me.
If I want to get ahead financially and have the access to resources I want, I am going to have to work my fucking ass off. It’s going to be painful as fuck and i have to be my own whipping boy, forcing myself to go on when i “dont want to” I just have to reframe in my inner psyche that I “do want to” and that i do want to undergo that pain. I don’t want to be a failure. I want to win and if i’m ever going to meet my goals in my life and make my dreams come true i’m going to have to welcome psychological pain and discomfort with open arms.
Welcome rejection, welcome fuzzy mindedness, and welcome physical pain from training and dieting. Welcome a tired brain from firing my creativity neurons farther than my body tells me they can handle being stimulated so that I can put out this content for you guys and open the other business endevours that are formulating in my mind and make them reality like i did with this website.
Bodybuilderinthailand.com used to not exist. It was nothing. Then in december 2015 it became a thought in my head. in january 2016 it became a .com domain name. and by february 2016 it became a functioning existing website that was created out of thin air from the creative powers inside my mind and brought real physical Dollars $ to my hands that I could go down to the local ATM in Bangkok Thailand and take out and smell. Really fucking weird. You can create shit out of nothing and then have it produce real tangible product. cash. I wish my mind could just spew out ideas like a fucking factory. IT’s hard to come up with shit that actually works. I’m sort of just continuing to expose myself to new information and new experiences and let my subconscious formulate new plans that eventually reach my consciousness while i’m watching youtube or something and then i think about them and try to create something real, something tangible out of them.
anyway thats enough for today. I need to buy a new computer and a new phone because, my macbook blew up and my Android had an energy suyrge last night and now the LCD screen is fucked.
-the bodybuilder in thailand